found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
