I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
