If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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