You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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