I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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