Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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