In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
