Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
