You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
