i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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