I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
