Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
