I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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