I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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