If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
