ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
