Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
