you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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