Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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