Where is the hickey?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She needs sedatives and a leash
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
