Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
