She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
