based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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