He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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