Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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