one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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