At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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