Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
