I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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