I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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