Me too!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
