Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
