So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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