Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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