I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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