There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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