it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
