Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
