You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
