This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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