Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
