The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
