I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
