I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
