Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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