People in love make me want to vomit
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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