He asked to "fluff my boner.."
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
COCAINE IS GR8
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
