im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
