Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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