Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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