turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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