just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
