Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
