I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
